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Monday, November 2nd, 2009
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I think it's the holidays getting to me. I've seen the cutest "babys first halloween costumes" and I think that should have been my baby in that. I can't walk past baby isles at the store without almost wanting to cry. I can't watch baby movies anymore cause It just makes me miss what I should have had. I've been trying to get pregnant again for 10 months and still no luck. I'm starting to think somethings wrong with me and it'sreally getting me down.
I feel a little lost.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
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I know it's been a while since I updated, but I've been going through some rough patches lately. I've been really depressed lately so I went to do the doctor to talk about a change in medication, since mine doesn't seem to be working, and have gave me a new kind and diagnosed me with mild bi-polar. I don't know where that came from, I don't think I'm Bi-Polar.
I've been really stressed and exhausted lately. They ran blood work on me to test for Lupus and MS. It seems like I'm waiting forever for the results of that.
I feel like I never see my friends, it's cause I'm always tired & depressed so I just stay at home most of the time.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 24th, 2009
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Last night, she said
Oh, baby, I feel so down
Oh, it turns me off
When I feel left out
So I, turned around
Oh, baby, don't care no more
I know this for sure
I'm walking out that door
Well I've been in town for just about fifteen minutes now
And baby I feel so down
And I don't know why
I've been walking for miles
And people they don't understand
Your girlfriends they can't understand
Your grandsons they won't understand
On top of this, I ain't ever gonna understand
Last nite, she said
Oh, baby, don't feel so down
Oh, it turns me off
When I feel left out
So I, I turned 'round,
Oh, baby gonna be alright
It was a great big lie
'Cause I left that night
Yeah
Them people they don't understand
Your girlfriends they can't understand
In spaceships they won't understand
And me I ain't ever gonna understand
Last night, she said
Oh, baby, I feel so down
Oh, it turns me off
When I feel left out
So I, I turned 'round
little girl, I don't care no more
I know
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
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Yesterday is a day I'd like to forget.
I went for a routine ultrasound and they said that the baby didn't have a heart beat and wasn't the size it should have been. I was supposed to be 12 weeks, but the baby was the size of 8 weeks. I had to have a D and C procedure. James and my mom were at the hospital the whole time with me. I was happy I had them for support. I went home and rested for the most part of the day. After I was home for a little while, I realized that I had some funky rash like thing on my right thigh. I went to the ER and they said they didn't know what it was, but they ruled that it wasn't a blood clot. They told me to check with my doctor the next day.
I went to my doctors and they told me that I have shingles. Ugh. I never had the chicken pox and I guess it's really similar to that and you can get it if you've never had chicken pox. So that's been the past two days for me. Terrible.
I feel like I need to go out and do something, I can't stay in the house all day and mope. I'm not supposed to go back to work till monday at least, but I'm going back tomorrow. I need to make use of myself.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, February 12th, 2009
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My luck has kinda been crap lately, at least when it comes to my car. Last week on Tuesday I got into an accident with a truck, like one of those box trucks. He came into my lane and I hit the brakes and the horn. He Swiped the whole stil of my car. He took off my mirror and my front head light. :( So I was unable to drive it at night, due to only having one headlight.
So I went this weekend, did rocky and clue (Which was so awesome and fun) in my dads car. I go to leave for with on Monday this week and now my tire is flat. Me, Sean and James couldn't get the tire off, so we had to wait for my dad to get home to change it for me. Turns out somehow there was a big nail in it. Lovely.
I spoke with the police department today and they said the police reports have all been fiiled and take to the prosecuter and there should be a ruling on who's fault is it by Monday. I hope so, I need to get my car repaired and I wasn't at fault so I have to wait for them to rule the other person at fault so I don't have to pay $500 out of my pocket for my deductible. Bah...
My tummy is getting bigger. I have a baby bump, lol. It's cute i guess. I already had to buy some new clothes to fit me better. I have my first real ultrasound schedueled on the 17th. I'm excited for that. James and my mom are coming, They'll get to see the baby for the first time. I've seen it a few times already but not any time recently.
James seems to be getting more excited lately. I think he'll be a great dad. We've both still got a lot to learn, but we'll do just fine.
My aunt gave my dad a bunch of baby clothes and other things today. Let's just say I hope it's a girl even more now cause it's all pink! It's all very cute things though.
Valentines is this weekend. Me and James are going to go out to dinner and a movie. We're going to see Coraline. I'm going to make him a cake and some other goodies and buy him so new pajama bottoms, He needs them badly. I also need to go get myself some chocolate covered strawberries from malleys. I love them, it's tradition for me and my mom to get them for ourselves every year. They are just so damn good.
I've been getting cravings lately, but nothing too weird. I crave gummy bears a lot. I don't know why. Two days ago I had a desire for Salt and Vinegar chips. They were sooo good. Yesterday I bought little cups of Ice Cream and a thing of cookie dough and mixed them together, it was like my own cookie dough ice cream. I'm sleepy a lot. I don't think I get enough sleep, It's the restless legs I get at night. They are awful. :(
I guess that's all for now...
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, January 7th, 2009
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Well, I had my first baby doctor visit. She said that for now everything looks good, but because of my kidney disease and my high blood pressure, I am considered a high risk pregnancy.That means more doctors, more visits and more caution.
I have to see a high risk specialist as well as have a first trimester ultrasound. I guess they normally don't do the ultrasounds till the second trimester. I'm really scared, but I'm going to stay healthy, be cautious and take it as easy as I can. Everyone thinks that I will be on bed rest my last month or two, but I hope not. I need to keep working as much and as long as possible.
I was reading and the thing that scared me the most is that I am at really high risk for developing pre-eclamsia. Women with PKD, a first time pregnancy and high blood pressure have a 40% chance of developing it.
I just have to be really careful I guess.
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Comments: Read 10 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, December 22nd, 2008
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Well, this weekend was a long one.
Found out I was pregnant on Saturday night. I took three tests just to be sure. They all came out positive. I told James Saturday night, and then I told my parents Sunday morning.
They took it surprisingly well. There's a lot to be done and worked on, but we can do it and we can get through it.
My first doctors apt is Jan 15th. I am about a month along, and I am expected to be due on August 28, 2009.
:D
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, December 21st, 2008
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Tuesday, December 16th, 2008
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I never thought I would feel like this so soon.
I never thought it would be surrounding me like it is.
I never thought I would want this so bad.
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Comments: Read 12 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, December 8th, 2008
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It's been a while since I updated. People wonder why....
It's because I don't have much to say.
That's probably not true. I have a lot to say, it's just that no one wants to hear me complain.
However, this is my journal.
I have come to the conclusion that I don't have friends. Everyone that is close to me seems to be gone. I can't talk to people anymore. Whenever I want to talk to someone, I can't. I have so much to say and I just want someone there that will listen and understand. I find myself calling people that I want to talk to, and when they answer I change my mind, clam up and claim that I called them just to see what was up.
I'm not really close to anyone and I don't like where I'm headed in life. I know how to fix it, but it's so hard. I hate hurting people. I've done it far too many times and it always kills me, Even if I don't show it.
I just want a friend who I can talk to. I just want them to listen and tell me it's going to be okay.
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Comments: Read 15 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, September 9th, 2008
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I'm getting sick again. Always when the weather changes. Stupid upper respiratory infections. :(
James is moving out in two weeks with his friend Kevin. I've known he was going to move out since the day he moved it, but I'm still going to be sad about it. He found out on Friday that him and Kevin got the apartment, and since then he has spent every day with Kevin. He's moving out, you'd think maybe he'd want to spend some time with me before he moves out, but I'd guess not. Apperantly he can't wait to get settled in...
Maybe I'm just being selfish.
I wanted to spend time with him yesterday, but then Kevin and Maria came over as soon as I got home from work, and stayed till 12:30 am. I fell asleep at around 11pm. I gave up on trying to spend time together.
Since I'm sick, I'll probably be asleep before James even gets home from work tonight.
Seems like it never ends. For some reason lately I have been unhappy. I can't figure out why or how to fix it. :( Stupid SAD.
It just seems like James it more and more seeming to be like Devon, sometimes worse. Makes me wonder at times if I made the right decision....
I love James and that won't change, I just wish the situation would.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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I want to tell people that I'm sorry I haven't gotten to hang out with you all, and that I don't keep in touch like I should. It's like I don't have time for anyone, including myself.
I'm working a mininum of 6 days a week and 7 most of the time. After work 3 days a week I am going to physical therapy, so It seems like I work, go to physical therapy, come home, eat watch TV for about 40 mins then go to sleep. Sunday's are the only time that I see at least a little bit of free time. I've been stressed out lately as well as being confused with everything that seems to be going on in my life.
On top of the degenerating disk disease in my back and the 2 disks that are bulging in my low back, I have 3 that are bulging in my neck. That would explain why I have had the shoulder pains. I felt like an idiot for a long time because I had such bad shoulder pains and the MRI of my shoulder showed nothing. The one of my neck that I recently got however, finally validates all that pain I have been in with that. I'm tired of having things wrong with me, but I'm glad to know there is something to show that I'm not insane.
I feel exhausted lately. I think I need more sleep.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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To Paula and Woosh ( I really hope I spelled that right).
I hope that some day I am as happy with someone else as those two are with eachother.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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How many more diseases can someone diagnose me with?
Let's add Degenerative Disk Disease to the list folks.
Someone kill me.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, March 25th, 2008
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Am I the only one that feels like I am missing out on something, or missing something all together?
I have accomplished a lot in my life, and I have a lot that I plan on doing but it seems like its not enough. I think that I have a boring life. My day is... Wake up, work, come home, feed animals, clean house, sleep. Then I do it all over again the next day. I want to LIVE not exist.
I'm excited for this trip to Canada.I think I really really need it. No boys, no work, no family, just friends and fun, hopefully.
It seems that for as long as I can remember I have been in a relationship. Almost 3 years with Kyle, then jumping into a relationship right after with Devon for 3 more years. Now I'm in another relationship. I love James and I am happy being with him, but I think that I should have just done something by myself for me. Just have taken some time to be me. I don't think I know me anymore. I know that I used to be fun and go out and see my friends, go out and dance every now and then, go to the movies, go bowling. I don't do anything anymore. Work is very stressful, home isn't much better. It seems that I have no where to go to just sit and relax without a problem.
I'm sure as I get older, it doesn't get any better.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, March 18th, 2008
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I've decided that I am too young for my body to be falling apart the way that it is. I have aches and pains that a 60 year old should have, not a 19 year old. :(
My shoulder still hurts from time to time but it seems to be getting better. Now, I have a problem with my back/leg/butt. There is a nerve that runs through there called your sciatic nerve. I did something to it I guess and now I am in some really shitty pain. I went to the doctor and he said that it is called Sciatica. He also said it will probably never go away and that there isn't anything that I or he can do for it. I can't live forever in pain and on Vicodine. I'm too young for this shit. It hurts to walk, bend, move, sit, ect. I just want it to go away and be a healthy normal person//
On top of this I spend the week taking care of James cause he was sick, and now I am sick with it. Freaking upper respitory infections. It always seems like it's one thing after another.
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
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Does any of my friends have a T-Mobile cell phone that they are not using that I could have or buy off of them for a low price. Mine bit the big one. Sometimes it works so if you are trying to get a hold of me and can't it's cause my phone is broken.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, February 22nd, 2008
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kendra probably shouldn't leave her passwords the same for forever.
then people like amber artino go into them to read her old journals, and post entries about it all.
i miss you kk!
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Comments: Read 13 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, February 21st, 2008
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So...
Things have been pretty sweet. Bob's party was really fun, Except me falling down the stairs. Ouchie. My whole leg is bruised. This is all James' fault. It was nice to get to see all my friends again. That is my new years resolution , to see my friends more. It's working well. I got to spend time with my friends on Valentines day too. I was happy.
Work is going well. It's been pretty busy here with lots to do. I like it. Nice pay, Nice people. What else it there so say?
My relationship is going well. :D We don't really fight or argue, it's all good.
I watched the Lunar Eclipse last night. It was so pretty. Most of it went dark, then it turned a reddish color. It was beautiful. James came over and watched it with me.
Work, friends, love life, family, all is well
:D
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, February 7th, 2008
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So, about the world ending.
I have been hearing a lot about 12/21/2012 so I decided to do some research on it. The Mayan calendar ends on that day, as most people know. I know that the Mayan's were very advanced and intelligent people and know a lot about the solar system and the future of civilization. However, I don't think that the world is going to end on that day.
What I do think is that there are going to be a lot of stuff that will happen to the world and maybe the universe?
I'm not sure how I feel about all this, but I have read up on some of the facts and I really can't find a reason not to believe that 12/21/2012 could be bad.
Here is what I have found..
Firstly, I already stated that the Mayan calendar ends on that day. That is a little scary, but nothing to really prove anything with that alone.
Secondly, The solar cycle will be at it maximum on December 12, 2012. When the solar cycle is at is maximum it has the potential to spit out solar pieces into space, possibly toward earth. This did occur before.
"In 1989 a flare hit the North American continent and fried electric lines, zapped power grids in the US and Canada, and created large power backouts"
A larger solar flare could do the same and much more. It would kill every living organism near the place where it crashed.
Thirdly,
On the Milky way, we are located somewhere around the edge and slightly on top.Soon we will be moving from the top of the Disk of the Milky Way, to the bottom. On 12/21/2012 we will be at the crust of it, forming an X shape. December 21,2012 marks the begining of the time period that we will move from the top to the bottom.
The next thing is the magnetic poles.
This is what the website says
"In the first quarter of 2001, the Sun switched magnetic poles. This occurs every eleven years. Prior to this the Sun's north magnetic pole was at the north rotational pole. Now the Sun's north magnetic pole is at its south pole. Since opposite poles attract, the magnetic poles of the Earth and Sun are now at their most stable.
Just about the time of 2012 Winter Solstice, the Sun's poles will switch back. During this switch there will be a tendency for the Sun's magnetic field to pull the Earth's field with it.
If the Earth's magnetic poles switch, this would put stress on the planet aggravating earthquakes and volcanos, not to mention destruction of the electrical power distribution grid. And, if the switch happens fast enough don't ever expect your computer to work again. But if you have old tube type equipment, keep it. It should survive just fine. It will work if you can find electricity. "
That, to me, is the scariest part.
Looking at the way things are going now, it seems like nothing but terrible things are happening.
Remember the lost city of Atlantis? An entire city gone, engulfed un water? Well, if people are around hundreds of years from now, they will be refering to the lost city of New Orleans. New Orleans was a city that was washed under, just like Atlantis.
Look at all the crazy things going on, Tornado's destroying city's, floods destroying city's, Fires destroying cities. WAR destroying countries.
You know something else a little freaky?
I honestly believe that the winner of this presidency will either be our first female president or our first black president.
The end of their 4 year term will be in 2012.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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shiningxstar's journal